The day that I lost you, I knew that I was going to be broken and mangled for years to come

I cried so deeply that I couldn’t find my breath, it hurt my face my eyes and at that moment my heart left me, I thought this is the end of me ever loving again or trusting anyone.

There I laid on the sofa in a puddle of despair, wrecked by someone who never cared or thought of more than just what he needed from me

Like a battery you took my energy and weakened me while you got stronger.

I lost so much that day, I lost who I was, I did things that I thought that I would never do and I let someone that really wasn’t in the same universe as me make  me small. That’s the one thing that I will never let anyone else do to me again.

But losing you was the best part of it all, funny enough, because now that I’m free, other doors and windows have opened up to me.

Funny how that happens, once I decided I no longer wanted you in my life , I became a swan.

And honestly you’re the one that lost in the end.Because I know that you still think about me, wonder about me and secretly you wish us back together.

You know that will never happen, right?

I’d sooner eat my left hand than have you ever touch me again, never do I want your lips near mine or hear your heartbeat in my ear and feel your chest rise and fall while you breath.

But at least you have me both ways now, you were in my heart because I loved you and now you’re always in my head because I will never forget how we ended.

HRH

WHEN I WAS A DANCER

I  had a birthday last week and of course as one does during that auspicious day is to reflect, at least as you get older, when you're younger It's all about the parties and presents and ultimately drinking and getting as drunk as you possibly can. 

Reflection seems to start at the age of 50, when that day comes it's all about where you've been and where you are at that time and where do you go from here. 

I however been doing this Reflection since the age of 13, My mind was always about the future and because of that I was always a bit fearful of that. But as time went on and I was getting older and I hope wiser, I was able to start seeing things as an adult and also was be able to give advise to the younger people around me and my friends. And in my little circle of friends, even though we were around the same ages give or take 10yrs or more, I had been a dancer for 30yrs when I retired at the age of 33 years old.

So of course all my life experiences stem from that space and time period.  From the age of 3 to 33 was all about dance and music, because my mother also had me take piano lessons. So I was a very busy kid. But I digress. I didn't have school dance's or Prom's, normal friends or even a normal life. I lived in this realm of fantasy, dress up and being a dancer was very important to me because it made me feel  as if I was somebody and I had a purpose in life. 

All my life experiences came from that, my first kiss, the first time I had sex, the first boyfriend, all my firsts were experienced then.  

So whenever I gave advise or wanted to give to someone inspiration for their journey thru life, It all came from that core space.

So the running Joke from all my friends is that when I begin to give advise or explain my life I always start out "WHEN I WAS A DANCER". LOL

 I never knew I did that but after a bit I would catch myself starting out that way. So now I have a different passion and I'm having different experiences. So hopefully I can give advise on a different Plain to those that ask for it or just simply give because I'm at that age where even if you don't ask I'm going to give it.

HRH