At this time in my life, when I look in the mirror I still see a very naive in the way I’ve been navigating my life.

     Partly because of that was the fact that my parents were nonexistent to a certain point. They taught me at a very young age how to care for myself, clean, laundry, iron, cook, dress myself and get ready for school. 

     I know, it seems like I could be exaggerating and I wish that I was, but sadly I’m not. By the time I turned seven years old I was pretty much doing things on my own, And my parents expected those things to be done on the regular.

     Although those skills did turn out to be worth it as I got older and eventually move out on my own. It put me in a place where I didn’t mature like other kids did and the way my friends had structured their lives, in which I had no one helping or rather guiding me through those years where I needed to get prepared for adulthood and the world.

      I know, I hear what you’re saying. Why didn’t I take the initiative to do it on my own. I don’t know really, I think it was because I was too busy dealing with who I was and just navigating my life at this really young age that I never thought about the future  or A future. 

      As time went on my family and I were literally living very separated lives. My father traveled with his job often and we went along at times moving from country to country, My mother basically did mommy things but really mostly did her own thing which not sure what that was, My brother did the same as I did, but he was much better at structuring his life than I was.

     So here I am, a very knowledgeable person of the world as far as traveling and moving through space but so naive about actual LIFE, life lessons etc. I still have a childlike view of the world. I still believe that the people that come into my life as fate, believe that there’s reasons for way things come and go, I think it’s special when a lady bug lands on me and that stopping to chat with a butterfly isn’t coo coo but I’m sure whoever is witness to that will think differently.

     And I believe in the magic, sending my thoughts to the universe and I believe that we are all covered in stardust. If you think about it we are.

     As I sit here thinking about the way my life has come to be and where I am today. I am proud that I made it this far. I got really lucky with the people who chose me to be apart of their lives. And I know they think all those things about me, running around barefooted, looking out the windows for hours but in the end they helped me to navigate my life, I’m not too great about it but I’m so much better that I was.

     So you see, magic does exist, I believe that fate sent them my way to help me learn to navigate my life and grow into the person I am today. 

     Until then…..

     HRH

      

        

      

    Here’s the thing, you shouldn’t have to settle for less. I know I know, easier said than done. Buuuut is it?

     When you work really hard on yourself and you finally feel like you know who are or who you are becoming. Why should you change for anyone else or for that matter anything else in your life that you come across.

     It’s a hard and lonely road to stick your ethics because let’s face it, not everyone is going to get you. So you struggle to stay in your lane. Because everything and everyone is going to steer you to conform. It’s not the little things that are at stake, oh no, it’s the big ones.

     So why am I writing this today. Because I achieved that goal of sticking to who I am. And yes it’s a hard place to be, especially since I’m starting to realize that I’ve come to feel like I’m at that part of my life where there’s going to be only a handful of people that will get me. 

     So what’s the point of that you ask, well it’s better to have a few people get you than a whole lot of people who don’t and you’re left standing there in the middle of a party with a drink in hand alone. 

     Back to the original thought of today. This also includes who you choose to be your partner. The perfect ride of die, the one that’s going like who you are and doesn’t want to change that, but to be apart of it, all of it.

     You want him to give you that type of love  right? You know what type of love I mean, right? I don’t think that you do.

      Well it’s that hold you tight, can’t sleep at night, lose your appetite kind of love, love. So I’m going to stick to that. Be me no matter what comes and fight, hand to hand if I have to.

     You should too.

      Until then……..

        HRH

      

      

      My job decided to cut some of my hours at work again, they do this every year and they get stuck then end up giving them all back to me a few months later.

    Inevitability I end up having way to much time on my hands, which causes me to just sit on the sofa for hours of piddling, watching bad Hallmark movies that all have the same script with the same ending. Leading me to having these really bizarro food cravings and I do mean BIZARRO. 

     So I made a plan to pick one section of my apartment on those free days and clean it out and throw away anything that didn’t serve me anymore. This can be a very time consuming endeavor and depending on the area you picked it can also be an emotional one.

     Today was my desks turn. Piles of papers, bills, notices, letters, advertisements, you name it, it’s there. And if your anything like me, it’s always I’ll get to that Later or what the Italians say, DOMANI, which means tomorrow. For me domani means a few weeks or months later down the road. 

     In the midst of putting things in categories, what to file, what to keep and what to shred I found some rather sentimental photos that I guess at the time I didn’t have the heart to go through them and I realized why once I opened the envelope they were in.

     It was photos of a friend that wasn’t in my life anymore. We had a terrible falling out that caused us to never ever resolve the issue  what separated us, and so many years later they passed. 

     Walking away from that friendship really broke me, which became one of many big heart breaks. A broken heart that took a very long time to even come to terms with, which I don’t think I ever really came to terms with it or had the time to heal from it before the next big heart break to come around. And there were many more to come.

     It just becomes an emotional rollercoaster of healing, once you feel like you have come to terms with it and you start feeling like your in the world of the living, the next heart break is right there waiting for you. And you’re picking up the pieces and again.

     Whenever you get asked what kind of life you want and they ask you if you want “ a rollercoaster or a merry go round” pick the merry go round. You’ll thank me later for that.

Until Then

  HRH

     

     

      

    There he was, tall fare skinned red headed Spanish guy from Barcelona, much younger than I am. But age seemed not to be an issue for him.  However for me age sometimes comes into play. Not because I don't think that we could have a great time together or even have a meaningful relationship, but just the life experiences would be the determining factor in our success or in our demise. 

    The bright side is that he's in his mid forties, has a good job that pays very well and allows him an apartment in Nyc and in Barcelona.  A win win situation in many ways. One, we get a chance to have alone time and hang with friends. Two, we get to miss each other on the regular basis and each time we see one another it's like puppies seeing their master for the first time over and over again.  

    We are on our way to almost being a year into this tennis match of what I thought was a good partnership and of us making this great effort to hopefully becoming more than just two ships coming into port staying awhile and then heading back out to sea. All of which has changed and now we are here.

    So in August he decided to let his apartment go so he could save to buy a place here in Nyc, which has now caused a new barrier for us going forward. It's become this game of I'll see you in next month, then saying something came up with work so I'll have to postpone it a week. Then the week arrives and then it's a month, so now it's just become daily text messages, face time moments and endless I'll see you soon and I wish you were here and I miss you.

I suppose that it could end up being a great pairing but I've dated European men more times than I'd like to admit and once they go home and establish their home base there, most men don't come back. And making trips there is not the answer.

  So readers, I suppose there will be an update of what this will end up to be, but I will admit it might not end up like I'd like it to or perhaps the way you'd like.

  Until then,

   HRH

     It’s hard to believe that it’s been  a full year that I have written in this blog. I have however been writing pen to paper , I know old fashion, but never the less satisfying.. 

    So here I am revisiting my page and just letting things just happen, I obviously have many things to say and many things on my mind that need to get out, I also have many opinions especially on what’s going on in the world today and at this very moment.  But let’s just leave that for another time. 

    I want to write about what brought me here today, what inspired me to step away from the pen to paper thing and sit here and reach out to you. 

    It was passionately brought to my attention that I seem to lack the drive to get myself off my sofa and apply myself to one of my many hobbies or passions.  Sadly growing up I was to busy to “ HAVE “ a hobby, 

    With what you ask, well let’s see, besides dancing lessons, which included tap, ballet, and Jazz among other dance forms, there was Piano classes and Roller Figure Skating lessons.  All piled into one week. And I pretty much had that sort of schedule till my early thirties. So after I decided to retire from that world I spent the next years looking, searching for that passion. 

     I will definitely let you know when that happens. So until then, have a happy day!

    HRH