The Price Of Age

I was never considered a great beauty, especially when I was a child. Being of mix breed didn’t go well for me as it did for other members of my family, I was very awkward growing up like a puppy with big ears and long limbs with floppy hands and feet.  

Then summer came and I went from a hideous little half breed native Indian girl to a tall long legged amazon in a blink of an eye, I still wasn’t a beauty to behold but I had the body and legs that the boys acknowledged and they came and in full force, almost like they could smell it.

My Parents were so confused as to what was happening, and honestly I was just as flabbergasted as they were.  And that was the beginning of a crazy journey that literally lasted till I was in my fifties.

As I said I was never considered a beauty by any standards, no one ever said I was pretty of beautiful, but I did get things like “ you look great” or ‘you look sexy’ and as one friend said to me in one drunken night, you always had a great style. 

As time went on I started to acquire lovers, boyfriends or became a paramour, I was a paramour more often than not. I had something that enticed men, my witty banter, my gift of cooking and the fact that I could make any man feel like a king and was able to provide multiple ways of pleasure, in short I had  many skills.  

But as hard as I tried I never was able secure a partner that could fully become a partner. My ways, no matter how chill I was or open to spontaneity, loving, giving wasn’t enough. 

Then time finally caught up to me and the ravages of years of living the VIDA LOCA combined with many days, weeks, months of sadness and heartbreaks it took all I had left of that light I had and that inner beauty that I had possessed was gone and it finally went dim.

Now I’ve become a ghost walking on the streets of Manhattan, no one chats with you any longer. Sitting at bars men ignore you. If you’re having dinner alone they’ll ask if they can have your chair without even asking if you’re waiting for anyone. It’s actually laughable sometimes, because I sit and contemplate this point in my life, I can only think of how they may feel when that times comes for them. Probably not so great. Because even though I’m at this stage of my life and have come to terms with it. I’m loving my life more than ever.

I obviously could do and go anywhere I pleased. Clean or not clean my apt, wear clothes or not and I could stream endless amounts of shows on the tele but It’s just different now, calmer, settled I suppose, for lack of a better way to explain it. 

And as George Bernard Shaw said “YOUTH IS WASTED ON THE YOUNG”. 

HRH