A tiny back story to let you know where I’m coming from and most of all to let you know that I’m not so heartless as I seem to be.
We have known each other for many years, we did many things together. He’s a photographer so I modeled for him many times and I did many videos and parties with him and it was such great time and I wouldn’t changed anything.
Then this fateful night while were out a party we got bit blitzed, I loved being with him, we had such rock -n-roll times together.
So I don’t know what it was that night about him, could of been the drinking and the way we were dancing together or the way he was making me laugh that I saw him differently. He was so much lighter and so so much happier.
But as it goes, I decided it was time for me to head out and go home. I motioned him off the dance floor and said that I was going to go home, we kissed goodbye like we always have done in the past but this time it was electric, I felt this energy from my lips to tips of my toes and went right back again to my lips.
We pushed away and looked at each other kinda stunned at what just happened, eyes not really focused, felt like we both got hit with a rock on the corner of our brow. I finally took a breath and started to leave. I think took about four steps max and I stopped and turned around and he was still there in the same place leaning against the banister with his head facing downward. I turned around and started walking back to him.
I placed my feet right where he could see them , slowly he looked up to see me standing there, he smiled and without a single word I kissed him again. This time longer and deeper than before. Then I left a second time, for good.
We worked together in the east village in a cafe like all artist did in the day until they got their big break so they can get out of that business. I worked days and he managed the night shifts, so we barely ever worked together and we pretty much saw about 5 min max between shifts.
I t had been a couple of days since we saw each other or even spoke but that was common for us so I didn’t put much stock into it. So when walked in for his shift he looked like he really wanted to chat. So I lingered a bit till he got his bearings and went up to him and said hi.
He didn’t hesitate, he blurted out, “We Can’t See Each Other”, I said okay, why? Well he said, we work together and it could get messy for us. How so I said, I’m mean we never work together and we probably spend less than five minutes saying hello goodbye in the same breath and I’m out.
Well, he was adamant about us not starting up something, so I said okay. I mean of course he got scared, had buyers remorse. Thought about the fact he couldn’t have sex with anyone else or maybe I wasn’t enough or maybe too much. To be fare I’ve had guys think I was too much, so of course I went there blaming myself for his reluctance to date me.
So in one big dust devil we started and it ended just that fast. We still hung out together for years after that and we still worked together and went out dancing, did crazy things that are only meant to be seen on the big screen or read about it in social media videos and a really good book someday.
So you see , coming at me all those years later, in a restaurant no less and blurting out let’s get married, which I think is cop out, who asks a girl in a fully loaded restaurant to marry them, you almost can’t say no, right! Well I didn’t say yes or no, but I did say that I would I think about it. Ugh, I could feel everybody’s expressions of cringe and the wait staff taking back the bottle of champagne and us sitting there in silence. How do you start the night off like that now we have to sit there with all those eyes and eat.
Who’s to know, If he was a bit more invested and maybe a little romantic I might of said yes. But honestly how homely would I’d be to get married just because of a green card.
HRH
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