I often write down a line or two when something inspires me to write sometime later .  But sometimes when I go back to read it I don’t remember the reason for the line. It’s a frustrating moment because I feel at that time it was important enough for me to remember it and now I can’t. 

This is the Line’YOUR’RE THE ONE THAT BROKE ME AND NOW I’M UNBREAKABLE’. 

I’m guessing that it was probably about my last big heart break,  because that one really really broke me. So much so that I went to great pains to shield myself from ever falling in love again. I know it sounds like a school girls first big love and her first big heart break, which you never really recover from that because it’s one of the deepest first intense loves you have. So Romeo and Juliet vibes.

But it could also have meant that I’ve become much stronger from that experience.  Maybe too strong or maybe just guarded to the point of no feelings for anyone any longer. Which kinda scares me because I don’t get gushy anymore, especially for this guy that I’m seeing right now. He’s a great guy, I like him well enough. I like hanging out with him, love having our little dates. We text often to each other. But I have to force myself to text him, because I really don’t think about him when we aren’t together and I don’t want him think that I’m not interested in him and we fizzle out, which makes me sad to think that I might hurt him because of lack of trust.

I did a good job in blocking myself off from some of my emotions , except when it comes to  mushy commercials or those ROM COMS that I refuse to watch anymore because  I’m become a blithering fool while watching it. 

So here I sit trying make out what prompted me to write this line down. And as much as I want to get out of my dark phase and start writing more positive, witty and funny moments of my life, there’s so much of my past that is so unresolved. And having this blog has helped so much in figuring that out.

Also because sometimes you block out a lot of those painful moments to protect yourself and when you start getting clarity images start popping up and you have this moment where your saying to yourself, oh wow that happened. And the pieces of that puzzle start coming together.

You may have many puzzles in the works, some completed and some not so much, but when you finished and completed one it’s a great feeling. 

So I may not remember what that line meant to me at that time, but I do know that I started another puzzle today.

HRH