THE BRIDGE

                                              FIN

It's been me experience as a Transgendered Woman that most of the men that I meet are "STRAIGHT" so to speak. I'm mean it becomes kinda of a mind fuck because the lines of sexuality have been blurred. Men are okay being with a trans woman that hasn't fully transitioned but won't be with a man, because they aren't gay. I know, it's a worm hole.

So after month of doing dinners and sleep overs, Taking long walks, while holding hands, perspectively we were dating and we were together. I whole heartily knew that wee weren't exclusive but in the first month that we were posing as dating, he had a rendezvous after a party that we went to. Seeing the signs early on I left and he didn't even notice or cared. At that point I had a decision to make. Should I end this thing or should I just be Blasé about it see where this facade will go. Of course you're staying the right choice is to turn and just leave. But I was already full on in so I decided that I would just stay and see how it plays out. 

As the days, weeks and months went on and I had fallen really deep for this guy. One night while we were getting together for our weekly date night, as we were walking towards our first stop of the night I reached over and grabbed his hand. It was the most uncomfortable moment I have ever felt from him. And right there I knew since that night after the party, where went home with that guy he was full on having a relationship with that guy. And at that moment I knew that I had been his beard, lampshade and for all intensive purposes I had been his Bridge.

His gateway from his straight side to his gay side. Yes, he was BI, yes he liked both men and women, yes, yes and yes. But as I wrote at the beginning, I fully never really believe in that term. And he wasn't the first that the ever crossed my path and as fucked up as it is, he probably won't be the last.

When I think about that time, about all the things that I could've done how I could of saved myself from heart break, because it did break my heart, not in two pieces, it was shattered in millions of pieces. You ask me why did I not walk away all those months ago. Well, I'll tell you why I let this happen to me after knowing the outcome.

I needed to see the truth of the world. I needed to see that you never know anyone fully, no matter how long or short your time has been together. So the fact that this journey was about a lesson, something that I needed to go through to move forward with my life. And I did learn a that lesson, it was a really hard one to go through.

I imagined that when he left me for the other person, that we were standing at the edge of a the Brooklyn bridge looking at Manhattan, standing there, not looking at each other, the breeze was cool when it hit my face, blew my hair wildly into my wet face from the tears that were rolling down my cheeks and got stuck there. I said as softly as I could, I am no longer your beard or lampshade. I am no longer your BRIDGE, 

HRH