Here’s the thing, you shouldn’t have to settle for less. I know I know, easier said than done. Buuuut is it?

     When you work really hard on yourself and you finally feel like you know who are or who you are becoming. Why should you change for anyone else or for that matter anything else in your life that you come across.

     It’s a hard and lonely road to stick your ethics because let’s face it, not everyone is going to get you. So you struggle to stay in your lane. Because everything and everyone is going to steer you to conform. It’s not the little things that are at stake, oh no, it’s the big ones.

     So why am I writing this today. Because I achieved that goal of sticking to who I am. And yes it’s a hard place to be, especially since I’m starting to realize that I’ve come to feel like I’m at that part of my life where there’s going to be only a handful of people that will get me. 

     So what’s the point of that you ask, well it’s better to have a few people get you than a whole lot of people who don’t and you’re left standing there in the middle of a party with a drink in hand alone. 

     Back to the original thought of today. This also includes who you choose to be your partner. The perfect ride of die, the one that’s going like who you are and doesn’t want to change that, but to be apart of it, all of it.

     You want him to give you that type of love  right? You know what type of love I mean, right? I don’t think that you do.

      Well it’s that hold you tight, can’t sleep at night, lose your appetite kind of love, love. So I’m going to stick to that. Be me no matter what comes and fight, hand to hand if I have to.

     You should too.

      Until then……..

        HRH

      

      

      My job decided to cut some of my hours at work again, they do this every year and they get stuck then end up giving them all back to me a few months later.

    Inevitability I end up having way to much time on my hands, which causes me to just sit on the sofa for hours of piddling, watching bad Hallmark movies that all have the same script with the same ending. Leading me to having these really bizarro food cravings and I do mean BIZARRO. 

     So I made a plan to pick one section of my apartment on those free days and clean it out and throw away anything that didn’t serve me anymore. This can be a very time consuming endeavor and depending on the area you picked it can also be an emotional one.

     Today was my desks turn. Piles of papers, bills, notices, letters, advertisements, you name it, it’s there. And if your anything like me, it’s always I’ll get to that Later or what the Italians say, DOMANI, which means tomorrow. For me domani means a few weeks or months later down the road. 

     In the midst of putting things in categories, what to file, what to keep and what to shred I found some rather sentimental photos that I guess at the time I didn’t have the heart to go through them and I realized why once I opened the envelope they were in.

     It was photos of a friend that wasn’t in my life anymore. We had a terrible falling out that caused us to never ever resolve the issue  what separated us, and so many years later they passed. 

     Walking away from that friendship really broke me, which became one of many big heart breaks. A broken heart that took a very long time to even come to terms with, which I don’t think I ever really came to terms with it or had the time to heal from it before the next big heart break to come around. And there were many more to come.

     It just becomes an emotional rollercoaster of healing, once you feel like you have come to terms with it and you start feeling like your in the world of the living, the next heart break is right there waiting for you. And you’re picking up the pieces and again.

     Whenever you get asked what kind of life you want and they ask you if you want “ a rollercoaster or a merry go round” pick the merry go round. You’ll thank me later for that.

Until Then

  HRH

     

     

      

    There he was, tall fare skinned red headed Spanish guy from Barcelona, much younger than I am. But age seemed not to be an issue for him.  However for me age sometimes comes into play. Not because I don't think that we could have a great time together or even have a meaningful relationship, but just the life experiences would be the determining factor in our success or in our demise. 

    The bright side is that he's in his mid forties, has a good job that pays very well and allows him an apartment in Nyc and in Barcelona.  A win win situation in many ways. One, we get a chance to have alone time and hang with friends. Two, we get to miss each other on the regular basis and each time we see one another it's like puppies seeing their master for the first time over and over again.  

    We are on our way to almost being a year into this tennis match of what I thought was a good partnership and of us making this great effort to hopefully becoming more than just two ships coming into port staying awhile and then heading back out to sea. All of which has changed and now we are here.

    So in August he decided to let his apartment go so he could save to buy a place here in Nyc, which has now caused a new barrier for us going forward. It's become this game of I'll see you in next month, then saying something came up with work so I'll have to postpone it a week. Then the week arrives and then it's a month, so now it's just become daily text messages, face time moments and endless I'll see you soon and I wish you were here and I miss you.

I suppose that it could end up being a great pairing but I've dated European men more times than I'd like to admit and once they go home and establish their home base there, most men don't come back. And making trips there is not the answer.

  So readers, I suppose there will be an update of what this will end up to be, but I will admit it might not end up like I'd like it to or perhaps the way you'd like.

  Until then,

   HRH

     It’s hard to believe that it’s been  a full year that I have written in this blog. I have however been writing pen to paper , I know old fashion, but never the less satisfying.. 

    So here I am revisiting my page and just letting things just happen, I obviously have many things to say and many things on my mind that need to get out, I also have many opinions especially on what’s going on in the world today and at this very moment.  But let’s just leave that for another time. 

    I want to write about what brought me here today, what inspired me to step away from the pen to paper thing and sit here and reach out to you. 

    It was passionately brought to my attention that I seem to lack the drive to get myself off my sofa and apply myself to one of my many hobbies or passions.  Sadly growing up I was to busy to “ HAVE “ a hobby, 

    With what you ask, well let’s see, besides dancing lessons, which included tap, ballet, and Jazz among other dance forms, there was Piano classes and Roller Figure Skating lessons.  All piled into one week. And I pretty much had that sort of schedule till my early thirties. So after I decided to retire from that world I spent the next years looking, searching for that passion. 

     I will definitely let you know when that happens. So until then, have a happy day!

    HRH 

I have many faces like everyone has, as well as many different kinds of emotions. The face of joy when I see you and the face of sadness when I see you walk away. Very pedestrian feelings nothing is different between me and you, except for how we use our emotions.  For instance, the gravity of each of the face expressions combined with our human emotions. 

For me that’s where I differ, mine are deeper and sometimes explosive. And of course you’re going to say so are mine and so are everybody’s else’s. But I see through all of that is going on and actually see the energy that I’m giving off. The colors and the rays that I’m expressing and  where it’s directed to and how it starts to affect that person that I’m looking at. 

And all of this is internal, therefore I’m not being overly “OUTRE” about it. I can enjoy the sheer experience of it.  Droíte? 

When I get to see you, I’m sending all of my energy to you and I’m watching how you take that in. At that moment I know how things are  going to go. Whether it’s good or bad, I will go on that journey even though I know the outcome. Why you say, well, we never know how that Journey will turn out and how that will affect us and what kind of change it will have on us. You may become and entirely different person. 

So when I see you I’m giving you everything I have, an honest sincere emotion. So you can choose to accept it or not, either way we are going on that journey together. 

Until then

HRH

 I sit here in my best friends and his husband's home looking out his deck windows on this very cold sunny day in Upstate New York. It warms my heart to know that almost 30 years ago this little man always talked about owning a home far away from the city life.  A place of peace to sit, have coffee and drink in what is there in front of us. And so here we are, all of us having coffee, chatting and not chatting, on our laptops listening to music and enjoying the moment. 

From the very beginning, the very moment that we met we seemed never to be away from one another, mostly on his part. He always included me in almost every aspect of his life, Made me apart of his it, included me on holidays with the current boyfriend, went out dancing with me most of the weekends and having endless conversations about anything and every thing.

 People would watch us and wonder what we could be possibly talking about for such a long periods of time. And to be honest I really don't know what most of our conversations were about, all I know is that they were, easy, fun, funny, sad and sometimes heated.

There was a part of his tough love side of things towards the way I ran my life, being unpractical, wild and very spur of the moment, with no real goal for the future so he thought. But I definitely was in search for a career that I could love and not just have a job. And his  life being a very very practical one, focused in what he wanted in life and  honestly that's why I'm here today writing from his home in upstate New York.

We never know where our lives are going to go, which direction the wind will take us, or coming to that preverbal fork in the road, the one that you choose could change things forever. And I have come to face many of those forks in my life but one mainstay has been my bestie, through thick and thin, heated and fun, laughing and crying and I wouldn't change a thing about it at all.

HRH

A  Mortal life has meaning

A immortal life is everlasting and is lesser for it............

I can't remember who said this or where I read it, I should have payed a bit more attention but I needed to write this down before it left my head.  Obviously it left an impression on me.  

So much is placed on living longer and stopping the aging process, which I can understand the reason for wanting to live for a long period of time or maybe even forever. 

But why would you want to. By this quote, A Mortal life has meaning, means to me that what you do in the span of time that we are given here on this earth is far more impactful, because we have a limited amount of time to achieve our personal best. We have no knowledge how long we truly have so we have to make the best of the time that we have. 

If you can maintain a healthy life and be able to care for yourself then I can see maybe living past one hundred, but what if you live past that age and you're bed ridden and you have everyone around you doing everything for you, imagine how exhausting that could be on your care takers. For me that is a selfish thing to have your love ones to go through or even the hired help. Of course if you live that long and you had no expectations of doing so then it's a different story.

Now if you're an IMMORTAL being, what's the point of achieving anything, all you have is time,  It seems glamorous I suppose, seeing the change in the world. technology getting more advanced could be thrilling. But then everyone you know and love dies continuously and you watch them get ill and wither away into nothingness. A rather sad existence would you say. And who is to say that you won't get old and wrinkly yourself, the odds of you staying young and beautiful are slim at best.

I for one have no desire to live forever, much less living past the age of 70. I find that this world tires me so much that I even have made a talisman so when the day comes that I finally get to leave this world that I will not reincarnate and come back to this world. I'm so good with that.

So I'm making my time here on earth mean something to me and holding all the nonsense away as far as I can keep it from setting me off on a different end game.

So if you're reading this and you have a choice to live forever or not, I'd like to know your feelings on the subject.

Looking forward to hearing from you.....

HRH